Valkyre's Weblog

How to (Almost) FUBAR a Brand New Computer Keyboard

An occasional recipe for disaster by Valkyre:

Ingredients:

1 brand new keyboard
2 packages instant oatmeal

DIRECTIONS: Empty 2 packages of instant oatmeal into bowl. Boil 1 cup water on stove top. When water is at nice rolling boil (100 degrees centrigrade, 212 fahrenheit), remove from stove and add to bowl containing instant oatmeal. Stir. Bring bowl over to computer desk. Set on desk and ignore the fact that the bowl is balanced precariously over the edge. Watch as bowl starts to tip towards new keyboard. Try to stop the fall with left hand. Only, bowl stops, oatmeal doesn't. Hot oatmeal spills onto left hand. Scream in pain and pull hand away and watch as oatmeal spills all over the keyboard. Bowl continues falling dumping hot oatmeal onto left knee. Scream and push swivel chair back, to get out of the way. Watch as bowl, in final insult, lands on left foot. Remaining oatmeal spills onto left foot. Worry about oatmealed keyboard more than the burns to the hand, knee and foot. Let husband take care of keyboard as you run cold water from the shower onto you knee and foot. Spray Solarcaine onto hand. Scream in agony from the sting as the Solarcaine hits. Decide against spraying the other burns. Find out later that the hand doesn't hurt anymore, due to the Solarcaine, but knee and foot does. Watch husband, take apart keyboard, remove oatmeal from inside and lightly hit it with the blowdryer. See him put it back together. Then, watch his smirk as he puts the plastic bag it came in back on, to protect it from future oatmeal disasters. Curse aloud as you find that several of the keys don't work. Set keyboard upside down at a slight angle and go to work. Find out, that sitting in that position all day helped immensely. Keyboard is now fine.

Yield: 1 enormous klutz

Posted by Valkyre at August 29, 2003 07:27 PM