Valkyre

When The Review Is Better Than The Movie

I made the mistake of renting, and then watching Cold Creek Manor, a couple of days ago. Terrible movie. I was walking around the next day lamenting the fact that I had waster 2 hours of my life on that rubbish. When I feel that a movie is so bad, that anyone associated with it should be imprisoned, I go to the Internet Movie Data Base, to see if there are others who agree. I wish I had gone there first. I would have noticed that it had a 4.8, out of a possible 10. And, I would have caught the following critique of the movie by a user named TheSnerd. I found his comments hilarious and much, much better than the movie by far:

Cold Creek Morons (Spoilers Abound), 15 September 2005
1/10

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

It came on whatever damned channel I had the TV on and I decided to start watching it. Sadly, no amount of therapy will be able to correct that grievous error on my part.

I am still awake, desperately trying to find a way to rationalize that complete waste of 2 hours and 5 minutes of my life. I think I would have felt better about all of this if someone had put a gun to my head and forced me to watch this tripe. Of course, I would have opted for the bullet, but I think my captor would have ended their own life before they got around to putting me out of my misery. This is to be a warning to anyone else who may accidentally watch it.

DON'T DO IT!

here there be spoilers

Actually...the whole movie is a damned spoiler. NOTHING is a surprise. OK, one scene is a surprise. The whole family gets surprised by snakes, AT THE SAME TIME, in different rooms of this huge mansion. Now, if this had been the supernatural thriller that the trailers had led you to believe it was, this would be OK. THIS ISN'T A SUPERNATURAL THRILLER! It's about a psycho redneck that had already slaughtered his family and decided that he didn't want the evil city folk to live in "his" house. That psycho redneck planted the snakes in the house, at least, a few hours before the crazed SNAKE ATTACK!

The snakes must have all worn synchronized watches and planned this thing out. The snakes also must have flew in some snake friends from other countries because many of them aren't from around here, boy. THOSE WACKY SNAKES! The scene was supposed to be scary. It was pure comic gold. Another reviewer mentions something about Dennis Quaid screaming like a little girl. The thing I love the most, is the fact that they all ran to the roof instead of out the front door. Why?

There are too many ludicrous scenes to break down for you, so I'll skip to the end. The climactic battle that leads to the "city folk" killing the evil redneck is so effing ridiculous... GAH! My brain crawled out of my head and slapped me around until the credits quit rolling. My brain was BULLS**T over that nonsense. I can't even describe it.

To hell with it. I'll try anyway. Basically, Bumpkin Boy was all set to cave in the skulls of the Evil City People, hammer styles, when suddenly,they trapped him with a rope! It wasn't even around his neck. He had more room than the three of them, combined, to get out of it. Hell, you could tell that he was HOLDING ON TO THE ROPE TO KEEP FROM SLIPPING OUT.

It was at that point that my brain started beating the snot out of the rest of me.

They didn't even strangle him to death. They took some time to nod at each other and proceeded to scream "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" as they broke the glass and...

Oh hell. I can't even type the ending. My brain just found a knife. It's had enough.

I still don't think I am properly conveying the true level of "suck" that this movie possesses. I'll try it with a visual:

>>>>>>>--------<<<<<<<<

See that? That has more depth than Cold Creek Manor.

It is a demon film.

If you want to experience Cold Creek Manor without having the displeasure of watching it, you could always stare at a blade of grass whilst slapping yourself in the face with a bag of wet mice for 2 hours and 5 minutes. No matter what you do, it will still be better than Cold Creek Manor was.

Don't see it. Not even the synchronized snake attack scene is worth it.

The Mystery Plant

Back in 2004, an acquaintance was pulling plants out of her garden. "Want these?". A large Aloe Vera and some other plant. I took them home and planted them in my garden. Tangled up, in the roots of one of them, was a small plant that I threw into a large clay pot. It died off and I figured it didn't survive being yanked out of the ground. Being kept busy at my job, I didn't really do anything to that pot. So, a year later, the plant was back. What was this thing? I called it "The Mystery Plant". It died off soon after. It returns the same time, every year. This year, it finally produced a flower. Looks like it's some kind of Lily. It also has come back stronger and larger. Must like the soil I transplanted it into. The first image was one I took back in August of 2004. The last three are ones that I took as it bloomed this past week.

An Update on Michael Vicks Dogs

A couple of articles on what happened to Michael Vicks dogs after they were rescued. This is an update to a story I posted about back on July 17, 2007.

The first article is a link from a blog on the LA Times website:

LA UNLEASHED

All Things Animal in Southern California and Beyond

What Ever Happened to Michael Vicks Dogs?

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick was indicted last year by a federal grand jury in relation to the dogfighting investigation that took place at his Virginia residence.

When Vick's home was first raided in the spring of 2007, dozens of malnourished animals were discovered; later raids turned up buried remains of several pit bulls. It was suggested that dogs that wouldn't fight -- or lost their fights -- were shot, drowned, electrocuted, strangled or hanged.

So what happened to the dogs that didn't die? A federal judge involved in the case ordered each dog (that's one of them pictured) to be evaluated individually. And he "ordered Vick to pony up close to $1 million to pay for the lifelong care of those that could be saved." The Washington Post reports:

Of the 49 pit bulls animal behavior experts evaluated in the fall, only one was deemed too vicious to warrant saving and was euthanized. (Another was euthanized because it was sick and in pain.)

...Of the 47 surviving dogs, 25 were placed directly in foster homes, and a handful have been or are being adopted. Twenty-two were deemed potentially aggressive toward other dogs and were sent to an animal sanctuary in Utah. Some, after intensive retraining, are expected to move on to foster care and eventual adoption.

Pit bulls seem to end up in a great many headlines that involve animal attacks, so how can it be that some experts believe some of these animals can eventually be placed with people, possibly people with families? Post writer Brigid Schulte has some of the answers.

This is the story that she linked to from the Washington Post: