Woke up with the alarm yesterday. My head was spinning. I felt somewhat nauseated and attributed it to the spinning. But, there was something else. I was sweating. I was sweating so bad, my hair was soaked. Sweat was dripping off me. And, I was freezing. I got out of bed and tried to see if I could get the spinning to stop. It made it worse. I sat down, in front of the computer and after about 10 minutes, the spinning seemed to slow down. And then I felt it..... That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach. I can't explain it. It's not really a pain. More of a tightness. But, I knew what it meant. I had the stomach flu. And, I barely made it to the toilet. I haven't been this sick since I was in my twenties. I called work, hit the answring machine and told them there was no way I could come in. The toilet became my best friend all morning. I really don't know what was worse, the sweating, the spinning or the vomiting. After things seemed to calm down, I went back to sleep, woke up, visited the toilet. And so on. About 1:00pm, I woke up yet again. I wasn't sweating, I didn't feel the urge to run to the toilet and the spinning seemed to have stopped. I tried to go out on the 'net, but the glare of text off the screen was really bothering my eyes. I sat on the couch, which was right near the open front door. The open front door, which had a nice afternoon breeze blowing in, and decided to watch TV. And found out that there really isn't anything worth watching at 1:00pm, unless you are into Court TV shows. So, I plop in a rented DVD. It's a Wayan's brothers comedy (They did the TV show, In Living Color), called Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood. It was actually a pretty good movie. It spoofed, Boys in the Hood, along with some other films from that genre. While the movie was playing, I found one can of Sprite way at the back of the fridge. Whenever I was recovering from the stomach flu, when I was younger, my mom used to have me drink a 7-Up. That always seemed to help. I took sips of the Sprite and it stayed down. I nibbled on some Saltines and they too stayed down. It looked like I was getting over this. Seriously, I would rather have a cold that lingers for a couple of weeks, than one day of the stomach flu.
Posted by Valkyre at September 2, 2004 07:57 PMYes but were you pinwheeling?
from Bill Muse of Seattle. LissaKay shared this goody and I just had to share as well:
Flu season is here, food poisoning can strike anytime, and with recent outbreaks of E. Coli and Ebola, it's more important than ever that people know how to properly handle pinwheeling. It's no myth. It's not an urban legend. I know -- It happened to me:
11:15 am: Feeling funny, I lie down in my office "just for a moment." Next thing I know, it's 1:30.
1:32 pm: Sprint for the can. No time to wipe the seat. So liquid is my discharge that it sounds like I'm peeing sitting down. Have I turned female? I check. Negative.
2:10 pm: Nausea-meter pegged. Upchuck imminent. On one of my frequent trips to the can for rectal rain, I park a Microsoft wastebasket inside the door, just in case pinwheeling is in the offing. I also attempt to rehydrate myself with OJ, cranapple juice, and 7-Up.
3:01 pm: Battle stations. I grab the wastebasket as I burst into the can and launch Chunder One, a direct hit into the plastic liner while I walk to the stalls. All that fruit juice wasted. This load smells and tastes like fruit punch spiked with very cheap wine; it's easily the tastiest hurl I've ever had. (Perhaps this is why sorority girls drink wine coolers instead of beer?) Without missing a beat, I push open a stall door, drop trou, and unclench my sphincter. An anal hurricane pounds Lake Commode with unmerciful fury, and then it happens--Chunder Two, away! Simultaneous diarhea and vomiting! True pinwheeling is attained! Stick a spike left-to-right through my abdomen and nail me to your dad's garage door for 4th of July and I'll spin like the firework of the same name, except it won't be a shower of sparks, and dad will probably want to repaint the garage door. Too bad I'm not in a prison or army bathroom, which lack stall walls; then all around me could enjoy this event so rare, like a solar eclipse. Instead, my co-workers are blind to the raw beauty of this bodily spectacle. I weep for them, or else the ralphing is making my eyes water.
After going home, I spend the next 12 hours variously retching and running. I even heave the Pepto Bismol I took for the trots, but I never again achieve pinwheeling. I ache. I'm an atheist, so I know I'm in bad shape when I start bargaining with God. Next morning, baby Jacqueline pukes fishsticks and peas all over her stuffed bunny rabbit. Isn't that cute? She wants to be just like
daddy.
So, what have we learned?
1) Park a wastebasket ahead of time.
True pinwheeling is rare, but that's no excuse for being unprepared.
2) When regurgitation is imminent, pound fruity beverages to flavor your barf. Why suffer through that nasty puke potpourri when you can turn your toilet bowl into a punch bowl?
3) Keep those abs in shape. I was as strong during round five as during round one, with no morning-after soreness.
4) Always get the machine-washable bunny rabbits
Oh man! That was funny! Fortunately, I wasn't pinwheeling.
Posted by: Wendy at September 3, 2004 07:56 PM